Dark Cloud and Sunshine

My last day in Belize was surreal because I was sad that my vacation was ending and that I was going back to the real world; I was happy because I got to experience something new, a new country, food, etc. Throughout my stay, it did not rain; it was hot and humid; before leaving the hotel, just out of habit, I always checked the weather; it was supposed to be a high of 103 degrees Fahrenheit. After we got on the boat, I sat in my favorite section, which is the back and the right open side of the boat, because I get to see the ocean, the vastness of the world, and the sun in its majestic glow. When all of a sudden I saw this dark cloud, besides the thought of taking the picture came into my head, I was sad and angry because I checked the weather and was so sure it was not going to rain; it was not rainy season in San Pedro, it does not rain this time of the year. I kept thinking, why would it rain right now? I am sitting in an open space, the boat is packed, and I have nowhere to go; I would have to change my clothes before getting on the plane. Sadness all of a sudden took over me, and I started regretting why I sat in the back.

Then it hit me, I remebered when I found out I was pregnant with my last daughter. It was a time I was planning to go donate my eggs so that my sister could have a baby of her own, we were both sad that I considered even aborting the pregnancy, she told me not to because she believed it was meant to happen. She reminded me that her health was not in a good place and cannot travel, we both agreed I’ll have the baby and the following year we’ll try again. My sister died 2 months later, and our conversation became a dark cloud over my head. For example, when I saw the dark cloud, I had many questions. Did she know she was going to die when she told me to keep the baby? Did she know the baby was going to be born around her birthday? When I was told my sister had died, I remeber feeling naked, so I took all my clothes off and started crying I was cold. I did not want to be pregnant anymore because we had a plan; I went through the pregnancy not even remembering the process because of how sad and depressed I was.

My baby was born on March 8th, 2023, and my sister’s birthday is March 6. She was born 9 lbs 16oz and healthy. She is a year old and looks like my sister. She has her hair and facial features, even certain personalities. My mum nicknamed her Sunshine because my sister’s passing was a dark cloud that hangs over her head, and we see this baby as our Sunshine that shines through the dark cloud.

As I sat on the boat looking at the dark cloud and hoping it did not rain, my mind raced with memories of my sister, relating the dark clouds to how I felt during the pregnancy and even now. The sun started to shine through the dark clouds, I smiled because in that moment I knew it was meant to be. Even though our loved ones are no more and the sadness of losing them serves as a dark cloud over us, let the memories of the time we spent with them be the Sunshine that outshines. We will be sad for some time, but the memory and the love we have for them will be the Sunshine.