Finding Hope After Loss: Embracing Your Grief

In my previous post, I wrote about my mother’s experiences coping with grief following the passing of my sister. However, I did not mention that this was not her first experience losing a child; in fact, it was her second. Before my brother Benjamin was born, she had another son who transitioned when he was about one year old, also in her hands. Reflecting on the losses she has endured, especially after my sister’s transition, has given me a deeper appreciation for her strength. So far, she has lost a son, two brothers, and a nephew, and then my sister. I find myself contemplating how she manages to navigate these repeated losses while continuing to support those around her, including myself. It prompts me to consider that, if others could understand her experiences, they might extend more empathy and adjust their expectations, rather than always expecting her to be at 100% all the time. Personally, I acknowledge my own struggles in maintaining that level of resilience and recognize how demanding and challenging the process truly is.

I have been reading various self-help books, ranging from those with a positive approach to others that use tough love. One of these books is Vex King’s *Good Vibes, Good Life*, which includes the quote: “I realize that the good, the bad, and the downright ugly events are all part of who I’ve become.” This raises the question of whether she has come to terms with her experiences, which could explain her current attitude, whereas I continue to find it challenging.

Grief is something I’ve come to understand deeply, as I’m sure you have in your own way. It is a profoundly personal experience, a wave that crashes over us when we lose someone or something we love—a person, a dream, a sense of who we thought we were. And yet, while it feels deeply individual, there’s comfort in knowing that others have walked this path too. If you’re here, reading this, you might be seeking solace, understanding, perhaps for yourself or someone else, or just a way forward. I hope this can be that for you.

Grief isn’t just one feeling—I’ve found it can bring a whole mix of emotions, sometimes all at once, and other times spread out. There are days when deep sadness takes over, moments when anger shows up unexpectedly, and even times when I remember something my sister said or did; some days it brings comfort, and some other days it makes me sad. Everyone’s journey with grief is different; your own past, the kind of loss you’ve faced, and how you tend to react emotionally all play a part in how you cope. For me, grief has felt more like a process than something with a clear ending, and I am still adjusting in my own way as time passes. Sometimes things move forward steadily, but often it’s unpredictable, and I know it’s normal when it feels tough or never-ending.

You might notice that feelings like sadness, guilt, anger, or even relief can pop up as you grieve. Recognizing and accepting these emotions, rather than judging yourself for them, really helps. Giving yourself the space and time to feel whatever comes up is important. And on those difficult days, just remember you’re not alone, and it’s okay to struggle sometimes. The day I was told my sister had transitioned, it felt like the world had shifted beneath me because I was pregnant, all the conversations we had about having the baby, she talked me into a baby shower, we talked about me bringing the kids to come spend time the following weekend, all the promises we made to each other flashed in my head and all of a sudden I felt heat radiate inside me, I felt naked. I walked around in a fog, barely able to get through the smallest tasks. If you’re in this place now or know someone who is, I want you to know it’s normal. Let yourself lean on people who care for you, even if all you can do is sit in silence together (trust me, it works).

Finally, I’ve come to understand that grief isn’t one-size-fits-all. It changes depending on what we’ve lost and who we are. So, just because you went through a certain loss does not mean someone else’s grief would be like yours or someone you know; Grief changes us, but it doesn’t have to define us. Over time, I found that it deepened my empathy and gave me strength I didn’t know I had. I hope you can find that too. Healing, I’ve discovered, isn’t about “getting over” the loss—it’s about learning to live with it. I found comfort in writing, reading, and creating something out of my pain. Maybe for you, it’s music, cooking, or simply walking in nature. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to explore it. And remember, it’s okay to hold onto memories in ways that feel right for you—through rituals, anniversaries, or quiet moments of reflection.

Facing grief starts with being honest with yourself. It’s okay to acknowledge the pain, even though it hurts. Avoiding it might feel easier in the short term, but accepting it is what helps you begin to heal. It’s not about “getting over it” but learning to carry it in a way that feels less heavy over time. Grief is a deeply personal journey. It teaches us about love, loss, and the connections that make life meaningful. Facing grief requires bravery and patience, but it also shows us how resilient we truly are. As you navigate this path, remember to be kind to yourself, honor your feelings, and hold onto hope. Even in the hardest moments, light and healing are within reach.

Embrace your grief; this reminds us how much we’ve cared and how much we’ve loved. It urges us to carry those memories forward while embracing the life that still lies ahead. Though the journey is never easy, it is also a testament to our incredible capacity to heal and transform. Always remember to LIVE while you GRIEVE.