Leaving the place of why…………..

By now, it is no news that I lost my only sister to cancer 2 years ago, and it has been the hardest thing I have to deal with because I still miss her every day also, this blog is centered around grieving and attempting to continue to live life to its fullest. In doing so I have been racking my brain, asking questions like:

1. Why did my sister have cancer despite her attention to her health?
2. Why didn’t we catch on time?
3. Why did God not heal her?
4. Why didn’t I see it coming?
5. Why did God not answer our prayers?

Asking these questions has made me angry with God, Pastors, and other religious leaders because they should have seen this coming, they should have prepared us for this life altering event. I have been questioning every possible scenario. Like I would not feel as bad if I knew because it would be expected, anger, pain, guilt, regret filled my heart.

The AI-developed woman screaming in anger depicts how I feel most of the time; the colorful hair represents the different layers of things going on in my head, her pretty face with makeup acknowledges that persona of go-lucky happy, and her face represents what goes on in my head.

On my way home from work one day, I got caught up wondering why things happen the way they do. It struck me that I might never find all the answers I seek, not because people are unwilling to share or tell me. Instead, it is because sometimes the answers aren’t there, or these people do not even have the answers, so why be angry with them? The only one who truly knows is the person who took my sister away. It’s a sad realization, but that moment made me stop agonizing over why things happen. Instead, I accepted that she’s no longer with me (though I still have moments when I feel she’s close and almost call out to her). I found peace in believing that God, in His wisdom, knows what’s best and has a plan even when things are hard to understand.

I don’t know what your grief is, and I don’t know why you are in the place of why, but what I am getting at is that instead of pondering why, stop asking questions you will not get answers to; rather, embrace that your grief has happened, you have absolutely no control over what has happened, and there is nothing you could do or have done to change the outcome. I believe we should focus on living the life we have because it is only one, and once we die, there will be no second chances. Take the fact that we are alive and make the best out of it because no matter the type of grief we are experiencing, at the end of the day, we are GRIEVING and LIVING, and there is always someone out there who believes they have it worse than us.

Always remember you are not alone…………. I am right there with you on this journey of GRIEVING and LIVING.